Paradise Lost

‘Sorry’, not I for not publishing a post since long, but the word I heard most during my stay at Srinagar.

‘Heaven on earth’, it is said, and so after many futile plans to visit this heaven while on earth, many dismissed in its infancy and many suppressed due to the unrest in the valley, this year the calls from the city said the same thing – the situation is good, couldn’t be better, come as soon as possible. And so one fine day saw my wife (who had just been to Switzerland and couldn’t wait to compare the two), my younger son, my dad-in-law and I on a flight to Srinagar.

‘Beautiful’, ‘Wow’, ‘Heavenly’. These started about half an hour before Srinagar, when the flight was over the gigantic snow-topped Himalayas.

Faizal was waiting for us at the airport and his first word was ‘Sorry’, for himself, for his brethren, for all the residents of the area – ‘we have suffered a lot, we have lost our livelihood, we have been misguided, etc. etc.’ On the hour into Srinagar, this was the topic of conversation.

Breathtaking beauty, awesome scenic landscapes, majestic Himalayas, stunning gardens, the Nishat Bagh, Shalimar Bagh, fresh  flowing spring water at Chashme-Shahi.

But while the land is gorgeous, I was time and again reminded of my mom’s words ‘never trust a mu***m, even if he sits on the hind side of a hot tawa’. She had been through the days of partition and come from Lahore to settle in Delhi and had a lot of experience with this community.

Apart from the hills and the lakes, the next most frequent sight is the CRPF and the Police with their armoured cars parked everywhere. Though the army has an unobtrusive presence, the CRPF and the Police force themselves upon you, and ‘you’ are the sightseers who have gone to see the area. But these forces take out their frustration (maybe?) with the not-so-gentle frisking and the absurd rules – get down from the car and walk a hundred metres (do they really think a terrorist will be dumb enough to carry the bomb or rifle and walk in front of them and not leave it in the car? ) At Shankaracharya’s temple, which is so porous that a terrorist bent on creating havoc can infiltrate from a hundred different directions, the CRPF are busy misbehaving with the pilgrims, snatching ipods, earphones, anything. ‘You cannot sit here!’ ‘But why?’ ‘Because I said so!’ ‘But there is no such sign’ ‘You cannot sit here’ ‘But why?’ ‘Because there is a telephone tower!’ (which, by the way, was more than 400 metres away) Anything to harass the tourist!

‘Sorry’, the first words by Tareeq, the Assistant General Manager at Centaur Hotel. For the dilapidated condition of the hotel. For the lack of staff. For the general condition of the town. But he went out of the way to make our stay comfortable. My wife did give them a few lessons in house-keeping which they all took in good humour.

‘Sorry’, that was the first word by the manager at the state handicrafts emporium. Also by most of the shop-keepers, though it did not look like they meant it. And their behavior and attitude were so good and transparent that, the first time in her life, my wife did not purchase anything while on vacation. The shopkeepers of Srinagar suffered a huge financial loss, though they are blissfully unaware of it!

We are extremely thankful to Nathu’s, Moti Mahal and CCD for when having our food it did not feel that we had left Delhi far behind. Also we were not being looted.

On the topic of food, Faizal, or ‘Jaansoop’ as we had started using his nickname, was always on my case to try ‘meat stick’. So we went to  Shera’s to taste one of the best mutton kebabs that I have ever had. Kashmiri food, it is rightly said, is delicious. I am thinking of earnestly learning the art!

The drive to Pahalgam reminded me of the innumerable trips that I made to Manali, first on a Jawa motorcycle while in college, with my wife for my honeymoon in my Dad’s car and later with my wife and kids from where I was posted at Jogindernagar, and even later driving down from Delhi. I must have made hundreds of trips to Manali and Pahalgam brought back all the nostalgic memories.

Gulmarg was another trip back in memory, to Naldehra and its log huts and golf course. But the gondola ride to the top was out of the world. The gondola ride, a hot cup of tea and roasted almonds at the top and later lunch at the mess were all organized by my friend Sanjeev, now commanding the brigade there. If I ever go back to Srinagar, it will be for this part of the trip only.

But while everyone is saying sorry and maybe not meaning it, the army is taking their words with a pinch of salt, maybe even a spoonful of salt. Because, like my Mom, they also disbelieve them.

It was an excellent opportunity for photography with my son and I clicking about one and a half thousand photographs between ourselves, and uploading about three hundred on Facebook.

Though it may be the ‘Heaven on earth’ but this paradise has been lost, all due to their own fault. Dal Lake, the life line of Srinagar, is a stink. The machinery to remove the hyacinth which is infesting the lake creates another stink. The behavior of the locals creates the last stink.

I told my friend, a radiologist that I would be writing a blog on ‘Paradise Lost’. He said it should be more appropriately called ‘The Lost Paradise’. Maybe he is right!

And, notwithstanding the number of sorries that I heard, it is true that you go to Srinagar only once. And I have been there, the first and last time.

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia

Beware the Shapes of India!

Indians have the habit of achieving the impossible. It is in their jeans (pun intended).  When mathematics was in the doldrums, they invented zero, and they are still experts at zero. When the Americans did not know how far the moon was, it was an Indian who calculated it for them. Infact, I think, he even told them how much petrol to put in their car. Indians are expert at putting the optimum amount of petrol in their cars and then coasting into petrol pumps. Infact since my son has taken to driving my car, I have also become an expert at coasting into petrol pumps.

Matter, for that matter solid matter, was always thought to be static. But, lately, an Indian has succeeded in compressing matter. And another has succeeded in stretching it.

I have to proof for it and will soon forward it to the National Physics Lab for verification and award of honorary degrees to these persons.

I am a sucker for sales and as soon as I see the sign ‘SALDES’ I can’t resist myself. So there was this sale in a huge departmental store in Gurgaon and I went and bought two pairs of trousers, some brand called ‘SHAPES’ and  patted myself on the back. I wear a size 36 waist, so I bought two size 36’s, blindly. Because it was a ‘Sale period’ and all modicum of decency is suspended in that duration, both by the customers and the store, my loyalty card was not swiped and the trousers were not accepted for alteration ‘Too much rush sir’.

Two weeks later I again went and managed to give the trousers for alteration. ‘Too much rush sir, collect them after a week’. Anyway, the trousers finally reached my home, altered and all. I wore one of them, sort of OK.

One fine day, or was it a night, I went on an eating and drinking binge. The next morning I decided to wear the second trouser. And I found that I had gained two inches overnight. Good gracious. I went on a crash diet for two days – and regained my old form – all trousers fitting me. Again, after a month I wore the second trouser – goodness, even without the binge I had gained two inches again. But that’s not possible, the human body may be elastic, but only so much.

So I put both trousers on a table, one over the other, and bingo, there was a difference of two inches. So I went to the store again (visit 4) and showed them the two trousers. One nice salesman coolly picked up the smaller trouser, took out his measuring tape and measured it and announced – ‘Sir, it is the correct size, on the other hand it is size 37!!’ These persons are PC Sorcars in the making. So if the smaller one is 37, the bigger should be 39? That had him foxed. ‘Please give me some time, I will look into it’.  What will you do by looking ‘into’ it when the truth is staring at you just by looking ‘at’ it?

Anyway, I went to my good friend Google and asked him to search for SHAPES and he came up with something ‘Disappoint India Limited’. Oops, forgot to wear my specs – it’s Designers Point India Limited.  Their website proudly says ‘SHAPES has etched a global benchmark in …..’ and leads to much more garbage.

Got their phone number and rang them up and asked them to connect me to Quality Control. ‘We don’t have quality control’ I know you have no quality and obviously no quality control but there must be an office on which the name plate says quality control? ‘No sir’. Anyone else around? ‘No Sir, they usually come in the afternoon’. Your MD’s number ‘Sure Sir’.

And so I rang up Ashwini  Anand, the MD of Disappoint India Ltd. ‘I’ll ask someone to get back to you’ It’s more than a month since this conversation and no one has gotten back to me. Maybe after this blog post they will get to me, if not get back to me!

I have a patient who manufactures clothes for GAP and he has a huge room, almost half the size of his factory labeled ‘Broken needles locating equipment’ When I asked him why he said, ‘If one small needle goes in any item, I will have to sell this factory to pay for the damages’. So it means Indians are afraid of foreigners who will sue them, but not of Indians who will not sue them.

And how will a company etch any type of global or even local benchmark if it has no quality or no quality control is the wildest dream. Anyway the salesperson at the departmental store also advised me ‘Sir buy some other brand the next time. These persons are only importing stuff in containers and putting their label on it’. Got it, just like a sophisticated Palika Bazar.

But are we not ourselves responsible for this treatment meted out to us. Because we take everything lying down. ‘Kya fayda hai?’ ‘Kya hoga?’ ‘Kyun apna dimag kharaab karte ho’. Also, even though the Consumer Disputes Fora  are in place, still it is cumbersome to approach one. And all the legalities usually just go overhead.  And it is not only the Indian companies which are not afraid of Indians, even the foreigners who have opened shop in India have the same attitude – ‘Ke kar lega?’ ‘Ke p**t lega?’ (Obviously translated into curt English).  I am doing a study on a leading foreign clothing brand which has outlets in India vis a vis their attitude towards customers in India and abroad. It will be one of my next posts.

Anyway, it took me eight visits to this big, really big store, to get a 'credit note' for the amount I spent which, in India, is no mean achievement and nothing short of climbing the Everest.

When I mentioned this incident to a friend who teaches advertising he said, ‘They don’t need quality control when they have quantity control – of your wallet’

And the icing on the cake was that when I checked the bill, none of the seven items I bought were discounted!!

So, the next time BEWARE THE SHAPES OF INDIA

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia

Times of India goes local - at long last!

Change is in the air. And I don’t know whether anyone has noticed, but there is a marked difference, and that is not in the temperature, but in the content. Of Delhi Times, the pullout handed out with the Times of India.

Times of India in it's Delhi Times has been professing since ages to publish ‘local pages’ containing Gurgaon news. But how much of the news was Gurgaon is no news. Anyway, the last week was different – just like Maggi Hot and Sweet (Tamatar ka saag). There were only three ‘Gurgaon’ pages the whole week, 14 on Saturday and 16 & 17 on Sunday. There were only four items on the pages. But, BUT, it is one big and better but, ALL the four articles were about Gurgaon. No Meerut, no Lodhi Gardens, no Ghaziabad, no Albania, no Outer Mongolia, only and only Gurgaon.

Maybe it was a crash course in local geography, maybe it was the ‘subtle’ hints that were being passed on, and maybe it is the grade of Almighty. But it is a good feeling, real good.

There was an article on the difficulties faced by the CGHS beneficiaries.

Another about Cyber crime in Gurgaon. A nice article which included don’ts about net transactions.

Still another was about the condition of the Sector 4 – Dhanwapur road.

There was a very nice article about Bonio D’Cruz, who plays the piano at Galaxy Hotel and croons out old melodies for the patrons.

This article also shows a new stage in Delhi Times' growth. Because when I used to write for them, mentioning a private enterprise, even Maruti Udyog, by name was a strict no-no. Else the company should have taken out a real BIG advertisement with Delhi Times.

Since I didn’t see any ad by Galaxy Hotel in the pages, I think the dinner must have been really good!

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia

Even Mayawati won't like this equation!

Two whole pages of Gurgaon news. Wow! Some people are so lucky – those who read the Gurgaon edition of the Times of India – they are always abreast of the latest in the region.

Today’s Gurgaon edition of the TOI had two whole pages of Gurgaon news, on pages 14 and 15 of Delhi Times – five complete articles.

The centre piece is an article about Nauchandi, an annual fair full of enthusiasts despite the high temperatures and the joy rides and foods and all. I must admit my ignorance but in the 17 years that I have been associated with Gurgaon I have missed this fair all these years. So I will make it a point to visit it the next time – should fix an alarm in the mobile – no need of tying a knot on the finger. But there is a problem – the fair is held in Meerut, and a week after Holi.

So the gr8 Times is out by a few hundred miles and a few months. But no problem. Four more articles to go.

The next is about a magic show at INA Dilli Haat (INA or Dilli Haat? These are two separate entities!!)

Again out by a few miles.

The next is about the Sufi Gospel project linked to the Inayat Khan Dargah – not in Gurgaon – even if the article is in the Gurgaon pages, but in Delhi. Again out by a few miles.

The next is about a helplline for students in stress – the number is 011 (Not Gurgaon, Delhi) and the content is Delhi. But not to be stressed – students are students, whether in Gurgaon or Delhi or Meerut or USA, and need to be de-stressed.

The last is about power cuts – not in Meerut but in Gurgaon! Wow!! At last!!! An article about Gurgaon in the Gurgaon pages!!!! Congrats, all ye faithful!!!!!

The total score 1 out of five. But as is said - what goes of anyone's father - kisi ke baap ka kya jaata hai - The fact is that TOI is the highest selling paper (maybe read also). And that is why they do not care a **** about the **** that is fed to the readers. Maybe even the readers do not care a ****.

That is why it is the largest selling (maybe read).

But mind it, if Aunty Mayawati comes to know that Meerut now belongs to Haryana, there will be hell to pay!

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia

Delhi Metro - World-class Metro or World-class Jugaad?

'World-class metro'. So says the official website of Delhi Metro. And to an extent they are true. 

India is an expert at Jugaad, and obviously, a world-class expert at Jugaad.

I initially thought of covering one metro station per week, but , then, it would have been too much. So in this first edition I have covered three metro stations which are within walking distance and, obviously, cycling distance of my home. 

Each picture, it is said, it worth a thousand words. So here are some graphical pictures of what really is the Delhi Metro.

The entrance to a world-class metro station (MG Road)

Another entrance to the world-class station. This is the scene for which many foreigners visit India!!

                                                                             Disabled friendly or Abled-dysfriendly?   But where exactly is this ramp leading to? Did the ground shift beneath the station??












These are the relics of a forgotten era, or of a forgotten drawing. Whatever, they will be dismantled only after a mishap and lots of passing the buck and lots of enquiries in which a contractor will be disqualified for an unspecified time and reinstated on the sly. 


 

World-class paving, world-class seepage











 

Gateway to where?? World-class construction!!







No article about DMRC is complete without mentioning their world-class parking facilities and their environ-friendly approach.

Even the gate is one small (or big) Jugaad






Is this where the missing cables are going?










 The biggest Jugaad of them all - this station is under construction for the last one year, and still being used!!

 



But apart from these, the metro service is also commendable. My son's class fellow was stuck in a metro for forty minutes with no information from anyone as to what exactly is happening. He was two hours late for school. It was, as usual, a 'minor glitch'. Otherwise it would have been 'There was no disruption in our services'. 

In Punjabi they say 'Moye te mukreyan da ilaaj nahin' 

World-class Metro!!

Keep it up!!

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia

Highway to Hell

Naveen sits quietly on the sofa in the hospital room, tranquil, eyes closed. He looks asleep. But suddenly he says ‘I remember you’. And you are forced to look at him. He is awake. But his eyes are closed. Maybe he does not want to see the world around him. Maybe he does not want to see his dreams crashing around him. Maybe he does not want to see that he cannot see!

No, he is not an eighty year old man going blind. No, he is not a cancer survivor. He is only a simple Indian, going home from work.

Naveen is a young gen X personality, smart, hard working. A civil engineer, he works for a large construction company involved in building a housing complex at Sohna Road. A girl friend waiting for him, four sisters devoted to him and a mother lovingly doting on him. His world was complete and idyllic. But his world crashed around him one day.

He was going home from work one day, taking the route he always does, Rajiv Chowk, NH 8 till Rajokri, Bijwasan and then Nangloi. And, as usual he was on the expressway and no one stopped him. But just short of the toll plaza, on the Shankar Chowk flyover, one Santro ahead of  him slowed down and before he realized it,  he had crashed into the rear end of the Santro. He lay bleeding on the expressway, his face, his eyes, his skull, his dreams, his world, shattered!

I was driving just behind him and was first at the site. Pulse OK, Patient conscious, no signs of any spinal injury, but just to be safe I asked him not to move, though he wanted desperately to sit. The only problem was that there was a long laceration running right across his nose and eyes, and there was a heavy flow of blood from his eyes.

Next – rang up ‘100’. Shooed away the spectators who were witnessing a free show. Waited five minutes, again rang up ‘100’.

‘Sir, PCR 18 is on the way’

Calmed Naveen who was on the verge of hysteria (strange, according to ancient medical sciences, hysteria occurred only in women – that is why the word ‘hyster’ia). Rang up 100 again – ten minutes had elapsed since the accident – the patient was losing blood.

‘Sir, PCR 18 is on the way’

Got Naveen to tell me his sister’s number and rang her up with the news – she is the one who really went hysterical.

13 minutes gone – rang up 100 again with a different tone to my voice now

‘Can you tell me the DCP’s name and phone number?’

‘Why do you want his number? The PCR is on the way’. And before I could say Jack Robinson or Nitin Arora or whoever is the DCP, I could hear the sirens of both the PCR Gypsy and the Ambulance. It was 14 minutes since I made the first call.

Naveen was transferred to a stretcher, put in the ambulance and shifted to a hospital. Then I got talking to Narender,  incharge of the PCR, number 19! (Not 18).

‘Actually PCR 18 was diverted because there was some traffic jam somewhere and I got the message only one minute back. I came as fast as I could. I was standing just below the flyover and I came wrong side.’

Just like Osama was where he should not have been and is dead, Naveen was also where he should not have been – on the Shankar Chowk flyover – on which two wheelers are banned – and wishes he was dead.

Hindu scriptures say that all events are predestined. And sometimes situations and conditions are created to fulfill the prophesy. Just like Garuda, the mythical bird, carried the crow thousands of miles to his death, many persons facilitated Naveen to reach the flyover to his calamity.

The first and foremost is DSC, the concessionaire which built and operated the expressway. And in doing so rakes in the moolah.  Motorcycles, especially smaller than 250 cc, are not allowed on expressways around the world, mainly for safety reasons. This expressway was also designed on the same pattern and similarly motocycles and other slow moving vehicles  are not permitted. Infact signs to this effect are placed at each entry and exit on the highway. DSC is supposed to educate the expressway users and also prevent  motorcyclists from accessing the expressway. The State Support Agreement, authorizes them to take the assistance of the police for enforcing the rules. DSC is also supposed to provide traffic marshals at each entry and exit point for the same reason.

But while the marshals at the toll gate are extremely intelligent and interact with the vehicle owners and, most important, do NOT let any vehicle through without paying the toll, why are there no marshals at the entry points to prevent motorcycles accessing the expressway. And even if they are present there, they are images of solitude, coolly, calmly, sitting or chatting, or smoking their time away.

DSC and its marshals should have prevented Naveen from entering the highway. They did not. 

The second is the traffic police. It is the duty of the police to provide dedicated patrol parties for the highway and to ensure that all rules are obeyed.  But a small little birdie tweeted in my ear that these traffic cops have instructions not to stop motorcycles from entering the highway.

And this was confirmed by DCP (Traffic) Bharti Arora. She said, ‘Haryana government has not signed any agreement that motorcycles should be prevented by the police from using the highway.’ But, then, the Principal Secretary PWD (B&R) has signed the agreement.

The Commissioner Mr Deswal goes a step further. ‘Even if there is an agreement, it is flawed and should be rectified. If a baby is born deformed, you do not let it die, you operate. Similarly this agreement is deformed’. And he has taken it upon himself to ‘operate’ on this agreement. Another argument given by Mr Deswal:

‘You are rich people and can afford cars and drive on the expressway. But poor people who cannot afford cars should also enjoy the expressway.’ Well said. Naveen is really enjoying himself.

The police and the traffic police should have prevented Naveen from using the highway. They did not.

Also, while allowing motorcycles on the expressway, by whatever means, should they not have the necessary infrastructure.

That it took the PCR and ambulance a full 14 minutes to reach the accident site, which is only 500 metres from the toll plaza and 50 metres from Shankar Chowk, speaks volumes about the facilities available on this world class expressway, for which we are paying, by the way!

Who, out of this multitude, is responsible for Naveen’s life, or what is left of it?

DSC maintains a ‘Corporate Communications’ division with whose personnel I have had the misfortune of interacting twice, once with someone known as Mandeepa Joshi, when I was writing an article for Times of India and once with Manoj Agarwal now. What I fail to understand is how DSC emplys persons who seem afflicted with the same problem into this communications thing – because when these persons are contacted by phone they are unable to hear and say, ‘We can’t understand what you are saying, send your queries by mail’, and when the same are mailed to them they are unable to read the mails and so cannot reply!! With whom do these persons with this weird symptoms ‘communicate’?

I was discussing with a friend about this article and that I am titling it ‘Highway to Hell’. He told me that for Gurgaon the highway begins at the toll plaza or ends at it, another hell. So it should be titled “Highway from Hell to Hell’.

Before signing off, here is a picture forwarded to me by a friend who clicked it ON the highway near Jharsa Chowk.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Who will guard the guards?

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia

The 'weak' that was – TOI fails Gurgaon - Again

Not satisfied with transferring vast tracts of lands, heritage sites and industrial estates to Gurgaon, Delhi Times has achieved the impossible – it has transferred Mr Satyendra Garg as the JCP (traffic) in the Locally Vocal pages  18 of Gurgaon In Delhi Times on 22^nd April, where he was spotted curbing drunken driving, though assisting him in his job were a team of Delhi Police.

Delhi Police, did you say? There must be something wrong here. Or is it that the whole Delhi Police is now functioning under Commissioner Deswal? Congrats, Sir!

Also mentioned was the art of ‘wall’ hanging. Though where it was hanging was not mentioned, but still the Delhi Chief Minister and her daughter did visit it.

There was, though, one article on the ‘concept’ of penthouse living which is catching on in Gurgaon – bingo – right on the nose!

Art is a favourite with Gurgaon, the Gurgaon Locally Vocal pages. And on 23^rd April, just below the signature photo of Signature Towers is an article on an exhibition which is on till April 25^th at ‘Habitat Centre’. I tried to Google ‘Habitat Centre’ in Gurgaon but it kept on coming up with some address in Delhi! Maybe Google is not so advanced as our colleagues at Delhi Times – they have the latest info on Gurgaon.

Another article was on the works of Satish Gujral at Lalit Kala Akademi. Again Google failed to give me the Gurgaon address. Google really needs to work hard to keep up with The Times (pun intended)

The third article on 23^rd was about a cultural fest at North Campus of ‘Delhi’ University. I think it was a typo – should have been ‘Gurgaon’ University. Anyway, one typo a page is allowed.

Sunday was TWO WHOLE pages of Gurgaon news – Locally Vocal – very vocal, very local.  There was so much news about Gurgaon that TOI had to sanction two pages.

There was an item about the Wadali brothers performing at the Rang Utsav being organized by ‘Delhi’ Tourism! What, another typo. Bad, bad! Sheila Dixit will be the Chief Guest – The toll plaza will be blocked, again.

Jim Corbett National Park and Delhi University’s Hindu College, where a photography exhibition is being held, have recently been transferred to the District of Gurgaon and were, thus covered in the Locally Vocal Pages.

But credit where credit is due – there was an article on the Rewari Loco Shed – nice one and about Radio Taxis being allowed to ply in Haryana Towns. I didn’t know radio cabs were not allowed in Gurgaon and Faridababd earlier. But, still, now that they have been allowed, the traffic scene should improve.

Of the thirteen articles covered this week, ten were of the newer entrants to Gurgaon, about whom Google and even the residents are unaware! But they’ll learn, slowly and surely.

THREE OUT OF THIRTEEN. May be good enough, but had it been a weekly test, the result would have said:

‘Weak’ in Geography. Could not differentiate between Delhi and Gurgaon ten times out of thirteen.

Result : F

When I narrated the sequence to my son he had only one word ‘Again?’

Is it not time that the ‘Times’ did justice to the readers of Gurgaon.

(c) Dr Rajiv Bhatia